Beauty is Imperfection

• Why if you pick the wrong gutter leaf cleaning service, you’ll be damned forever to hell.

• Why the Pillsbury Doughboy’s political awakening was as creepy and unexpected as it was timely.

• This TikTok influencer angrily spoke in tongues about a discontinued Dairy Queen item, and we all understood.

• This once-rageful alpha male comes clean about his hemorrhoid journey.

• This tradwife was cleaning the toilet like a rock star.

• Who’s making dinner tonight? Fuck you if you think it’s me.

• This peaceful city was turned into a war zone in the minds of rural people stealing anhydrous ammonia.

• Why Hollywood won’t hire Brittany Murphy anymore.

• This woman who looked up “perineum flowers” was understandably shocked by her findings.

• Why are so many people’s last words so meh?

• Study finds biggest hatred shared by recent immigrants: Even more recent immigrants.

• Why this video of a fawn stumbling awkwardly through the rainy forest surprisingly hasn’t been politicized yet.

• Free thinker who doubts usefulness of mRNA research is also that guy who disappeared around your sophomore year to “go work with my dad.”

• Why what happened at school today is none of your business, Mom.

• Why this Tucson man is worried about you being so young and pretty and alone.

• Why researchers think the male loneliness epidemic and the male horniness epidemic might be related.

• Dad’s not doing so well says not-blind daughter.

• Why these seven appetizers will make you give up on the idea of going back to college.

• Why Nicole Kidman’s personal turmoil is absolutely yours to delectate in, according to an op-ed writer at Cigar Aficionado magazine.

• Why this TikTok stitch had to be finished with World War II aerial stock footage after a twisted ankle incident.

• “It’s not like this marriage started with cartoon animals dressing a happy bride,” and other noted divorce attorney quips.

• This for-sale house wasn’t haunted by a ghost, per se. But its drywall was indeed ruined by the cigarette-smoking previous owner.

• Your friend Peter’s racist dad has a lot to say about sluts, too.

• When does encouraging elderly people to say exactly what’s on their minds become a form of elder abuse? We ask because Peter’s dad is still talking and Peter’s obviously getting a sick thrill from showing him off.

• This big floppy sandwich wasn’t about to take a TikTok exercise influencer’s bullshit.

• You’ll never believe what the National Center for Integrative Cleanses said about this detox … because no such center exists. Made you look, asshole!

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