(Originally posted Monday, December 15, 2008 )
2 CBS
Two and a Half Plot Developments
4 NBC
“Heroes”: all the superpowered people discover that they are all at the mercy of a strange and horrible force called the Writer’s Guild of America who determines how often they will appear on television and who intermittently go on strike and curtail the heroes’ powers.
5 CW
“Gossip Girl”: Episode 48: Where a newcomer to town asks the question, “Hey girls, is there not any place for a large-breasted 16-year-old blonde in your clique?”
7 Univision
Telenovella: Dona Barbados gives her unborn son a hairlip by looking directly at a lunar eclipse.
8 Christian Broadcasting Network
700 Club special: How to kick an angel’s ass.
9 Animal Planet
Cats 101: How to tell if a calico needs special attention or if it’s just an asshole the same way some humans are.
10 ION
A crime scene covered with blood and semen would take this show about naval forensic investigators to the next level.
11 Travel
Taking X with a lot of crazy, broke Icelanders.
13 PBS
Taking X with a lot of crazy old people at Antiques Roadshow
15 MTV
A lot of blood and semen on the walls would take this Pauly Shore show to the next level.
18 ABC Family
Show: “You are such a mom,” and other things people say when they’re trying to start a fuckin’ fight.
19 Health
Hair pulling can get you a behavioral problem category all your own. Aren’t you special?
21 Vh-1
When Rock of Love skanks aren’t put to the proper uses for which they’ve been bred, they become neurotic and clingy and start to act out and fight and bite and scratch
22 Cinemax
A witty little film that conflates the sublime with the ridiculous, the sacred with the profane. Starring a lot of big-titted porn stars.
24 CNN
A 24-hour loop of an Iraqi journalist throwing his shoes at George Bush over and over and over and over and over.
Beauty is Imperfection 