Archive for the ‘fashion’ Category

Did It End coverI have just published a new novel, Did It End? now available on Amazon.com.

A happily married couple find their lives turned upside down by the husband’s first taste of literary success. Is it still possible for two people who have grown so well together to keep doing so now that their priorities, goals, dreams and desires have so utterly changed? And who does the dishes now?

Bob Henderson is a creative writing teacher who fusses over words too much while trying to push out depressing novels. His down-to-earth wife pushes him to write crass commercial screenplays instead. One of them, a frat douche comedy, surprisingly sells.

The couple is uprooted from New York and land in L.A. where all hell starts to break loose. After years of playing by the rules of good behavior, they both suddenly start acting out in surprising and horrible ways.

It’s a book about sudden money syndrome, the danger of finding your dreams fulfilled, and the real possibility of losing your enlightenment after spending so long trying to gain it.

The book has comic elements but like my last outing, Traffic Waitress, it’s a bit more serious and a bit more into examining human behavior.

The book is now currently available only as an e-book. I plan on publishing this and all my other books in paperback form through Amazon’s publishing platform later this year.*

This is the fifth book I’ve published this year, and I’ve got two more coming (actually four, since I’ve split one of them into a trilogy). Did I really write nine books this year? No. I started all these books many years ago and spent years tweaking them as I played footsie with various agents. They all seemed to develop together and I’m perversely inclined to drop all of them on the world at once. Sorry about that! But if you’re so inclined, please enjoy!

(*Update: As of February 2020, I have still not finished uploading all my novels in e-book form, and I have had to push back my plans to publish them in paperback. While this is still my plan, I’m going to keep that deadline open-ended.)

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Gaga Over Eggs

Lady Gaga arrived at the Grammy Awards on Sunday in a giant egg. What do you think she was wearing inside the egg?

–*A velour sweater and soccer pants

–*A Hello Kitty t-shirt

–*Nothing, why should she?

–*Greasy overalls she’s been sporting since finishing up her day job changing oil in automobile crank cases

–*A Darth Vader outfit

–*A natural sac of life-giving placenta

–*A Hanes t-shirt and Toughskins

–*A stiffened crinoline petticoat

–*It’s not her, it’s three children who think it’s a treehouse

–*An Oscar de la Renta collage dress

–*An Oscar de la Hoya collage dress

–*She’s revived her meat dress from last year, a much more effective gambit since it is now much less likely to make you puke

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What are some of the spring 2010 trends currently popping up during New York’s Fashion Week?

–*Sharp-shouldered silhouettes are in vogue, replacing last year’s ultra-hot potato sacks

–*This year’s party dresses are vibrant and should have the blood of a freshly killed animal on them.

–*Last year, wide belts made you look like a genius. This year they make you look like a retard.

–*Metallic zippers on black fabric make a bold statement, even more so if it is Vera Wang’s patented “cootchie zipper.”

–*Laser cut patterns are in, and according to your taste, can make you look like you’ve just fallen out of a either a sausage grinder or a paper shredder

–*Last year’s ruffles recalled exotic sea creatures. This year’s ruffles should recall bottom-feeding arthropods.

–*This year has seen the return of beige–the kind of beige you see painted on the wall of immigration offices

–*Last year was butterfly appliqués on tulle. This year it’s mosquitoes trapped in wire mesh.

–*This year’s couture dresses will look stupid if you’re not constantly puckering.

–*You will always get attention by hanging on to that blue dress covered with semen.

–*This year’s broader shoulders demand that you accessorize with a statement necklace, a garnet brooch or a syringe full of hydrocortisone.

–*Three words: Orthopedic kitten heels.

–*A mix of beige, olive drab and natural dun and taupe colors will protect you when you are being shot at by enemy combatants in Central Asia.

–*”Harem pants” is a great way to not have to say “mom jeans.”

–*Cinch your waistline with a giant bow, and if that doesn’t feel silly enough, wrap yourself in fishing tackle festooned with live bait

–*Be sure to wear tiny, tiny micro stripes if the impression you want to make is to give somebody an epileptic fit.

–*Be sure to wear Christmas lights in your hair if you want to look like somebody’s mother.

–*This year’s bandeau top will look all the more impressive if you’re also carrying an Uzi or a 9 mm Glock.

–*There’s no need to have a clutch with a sequined dress, because sooner or later, you’ll fool some idiot into buying the drinks for you.

–*Be bold and show off your unyielding dedication to metal gussets by eating them.

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