–*You are fashion forward.
–*You are fashion forward and you were snubbed in a major actress category.
–*Somebody rolled you up in a carpet and tried to kidnap you, and after you escaped, you thought you could own the rolled up carpet look.
–*Your water just broke.
–*You are truly curious about which appendage might fall off without blood circulation.
–*You are trying to embarrass Ryan Seacrest.
–*You are in violation of networks standards and practices.
–*You look best in bias cuts and 40 weight motor oil.
–*If Joan Rivers wasn’t abusing you, you wouldn’t know who you are.
–*Your ombre hair extensions make it highly likely you cheated on your SAT.
–*Shiny shiny I am 12.
–*The L.A. County Sheriff is aware of your movements.
–*Whale bone corsets in the early 1900s led to multiple health problems in women and why are we better than they are?
–*If it can hold my bait and tackle, it’s good enough for these Hollywood big shots.
–*You were comfortable enough with yourself and your success to wear a tie-dye and jams.
–*Your plunging neckline is a pleasing distraction from the fact that your movie defended codified torture.
–*I am Russell Crowe, and I am not afraid to go outside my comfort zone and take all of you with me.
–*I am Sally Field, and if you are a TV host who tries kiss me without my permission, I have a battery of lawyers who will crawl up your ass and start removing the contents like the crew from Ben Hur Moving Company.
–*You are comfortable around both couture and medical trepanning equipment.
–*You are a 31 in the legs, which means nobody makes anything for you and you do not deserve to be here.
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