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Archive for February 19th, 2010

What are some of the stats shaping our world on Feb. 19, 2010?

–*A poll in early 2009 found that 71% of Americans prefer to have universal health care, even if it means paying higher taxes.

–*However, in 2010, 46% of Americans are now against the current health care legislation in Congress.

–*Among those against, 35% are against it because they are against health care in general while 12% are against it because it doesn’t go far enough. Three percent are for it because they are against health care reform in general and believe the current legislation effectively kills reform.

–*Seventy percent of political independents said that in 2008 they voted for Barack Obama because they voted for change.

–*In Massachusetts this year, independents voted for Scott Brown, a political conservative, in the traditionally liberal state because they were also voting for change.

–*One hundred percent of independents would prefer that things keep changing.

–*Eighty percent of independents describe themselves as angry.

–*Of those, 40% say they are swiping at imaginary bats.

–*Twenty percent of Americans say they are unsure if they are for voting against the current health care legislation in Congress or if they are voting against imaginary bats.

–*Of independents, 10% say they don’t pay attention to political issues at all. Another 10% thought that health care reform was a good idea but that they were physically and emotionally intimidated by sign wielding members of the Tea Party movement and are just being pussies at this point.

–*Fifty percent of those who said they were for health care reform last year but against it this year said they changed their minds because they didn’t realize that universal health care was a communist plot and now they are now better informed by members of the Tea Party.

–*Thirty percent of Americans feel unable to stand up to members of the Tea Party because they don’t deal very well with angry people.

–*Fifteen percent say that angry spitting people railing at bats and communism make them insecure and impotent and unable to find their keys.

–*Eighty percent of adolescent boys use the term “retard” regularly.

–*One hundred percent of White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel uses the word “retard” regularly.

–*Ninety percent of those adolescent boys who use the term “retard” also think that Sarah Palin is hot.

–*Eighty percent of Republicans agree with Sarah Palin’s policies.

–*Zero is the number of policies that Sarah Palin has put forward.

–*Twenty percent of those who have switched their position on the health care legislation believe that it will change their relationship with their doctor and 80% of them said that they don’t argue very well when people are yelling at them.

–*Sixty percent of independents just like voting against people and don’t have any political convictions to speak of.

–*Eighty percent of people who believe their federal tax rates have gone up over the past 10 years are retards.

–*One hundred percent of retards and people at the Heritage Foundation believe that low capital gains taxes are the only incentive for people to invest, as if a 20% tax on capital gains means the same thing as no capital gains at all. That means nobody would have invested in Microsoft in 1986 and had a $100 investment turn into $37,000 in 22 years, because they are such suck ass whiners about capital gains they would have instead kept their money in a mattress earning zippity do da. If higher capital gains rates hurt the economy and harm revenue, why did we have an Internet boom, and why did we, at the same time, balance the budget?

–*One hundred percent of retards believe that it’s entitlement programs alone that are causing the current budget crises and not two horribly expensive wars along with huge tax cuts under George Bush.

–*Twenty percent of crazy people think the IRS is out to get them personally.

–*Twenty percent of crazy people think the CIA is out to get them personally.

–*Fifty percent of crazy rich people think Barack Obama is out to get them personally.

–*0.00002% of people think the girl who played Blossom wants to smother them with a pillow.

–*Ten percent of independents want a third-party candidate because they are trying to synthesize what’s best about the positions of the right and the left.

–*The other 90% don’t really know what the issues are because they’re watching Jersey Shore. Is that JWoww built or what?

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