Beauty is Imperfection

How are we lying about what we did last night?

–*Referring all questions to our lawyer. Even if we’re only 12.

–*Blaming our best friend by saying we were just covering for him.

–*Forging a plane ticket to Rio.

–*Fragging ourselves with a gunshot to the calf.

–*Breaking into our own house before the wife comes home and making it look like a robbery.

–*Saying, “You can’t ask me about my business, Kay.”

–*Saying that we’re secretly working for the CIA and so we can’t really tell you what we did last night.

–*Devising a confusing chart that is largely untrue and conjures up a lot of logistical connections that don’t make any sense. A chart much like the one Republicans are using to torpedo health care reform.

–*Just skipping the logistics and saying “Honey I would never hurt you. You’re my princess,” while backed by a Flamenco guitar player.

–*Just confessing outright that we’re gay, even if we aren’t, and working out the problems that might arise from that later.

–*Telling a half-truth–like the fact that we were feeling under the weather–to cover up the whole truth–that we were feeling under the weather because of the syphilis.

–*Keeping all four of our wives in separate barns when the gummint comes by and starts asking questions.