Beauty is Imperfection

What are we really doing that we don’t put on Twitter?

–*Henry just ate peanut butter. I was too lazy to make an egg.

–*Marcia got up late. Was dreaming of doing the dishes.

–*Joel’s got a bit of a chub. Don’t know why. It’s 9:30 in the morning.

–*William went to work but mostly goofed around watching Internet porn.

–*Harry just got roped into doing one of those things to see who’s searching for me on the Internet. Didn’t work. Feel stupid now.

–*Dean grabbed wife’s boob. She kept reading newspaper.

–*Faye heard a friend start to talk about the stimulus package. I walked away before he and this other guy realized I didn’t know anything about it.

–*Kathy signed a birthday card for somebody I don’t know. Said, “Congratulations.” Feel like a big phony.

–*john killed a bug.

–*Janet just took the most amazing dump.

–*Peter yelled at the Verizon woman until she took a charge off. Feel like a winner.

–*Somebody at work corrected my pronunciation of the word “Montpelier.” I’d like to reach up into his asshole and pull his tongue out backwards.

–*Trying to smile my way through a conversation about the weather with my neighbor. Pinhead.

–*Beatrix got stoned in the park with my friends listening to the symphony. Crushed glasses.

–*Jake is just repeating the same left-wing stuff my dad says. Feel kind of lost without it.