Beauty is Imperfection

What apocryphal stories about the current health care reform bills in Congress are being floated by opponents in the insurance industry?

–*The current bill will cause nine months of waiting to see your GP

–*It will make all private health insurance illegal.

–*Doctors will be paid from a single payer plan with a fixed fee that will discourage financial incentives for physicians–when in fact, a capitalist system that commoditizes their services and pushes their fees down naturally through market mechanisms is a much more American way for them to go down the toilet.

–*The bill will force seniors to eat each other in a horrible Malthusian game of survival of the fittest.

–*The regional quality of care will shift so that meth labs, which once only exploded in Oklahoma, will now explode everywhere.

–*You will no longer be able to afford stirrups but will have to put your ankles on the OB-GYN’s shoulders.

–*It will give everybody AIDS.

–*Poor people have scabs.

–*The bill has already killed 50,000 people without even being enrolled.

–*The Hindenburg has just crashed! Oh the humanity!

–*The health care bill will make hillbillies play banjo and fuck each other up the ass.

–*It means the French have finally won.

–*Universal health care is only something Japs would do.

–*If this bill passes, I, the executive of a big insurance company, will no longer be made love to by my wife or my favorite whore.

–*If the word “bailout,” “socialism” “jihad” and “cow rape” scare you, well then you should realize that all of those words appear in the health care bill.