Beauty is Imperfection

(Originally posted Thursday, January 29, 2009)

What were some of the arguments Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich unsuccessfully used to defend himself in front of the State Senate before it ousted him from office on corruption charges?

–*Come on! We’re all corrupt here, aren’t we?

–*Don’t some of you pud-knockers owe me money?

–*Doesn’t anyone here want a new pool in their backyard built with prison labor? I could make that happen.

–*Come on, I’m part of a long and illustrious history of voter shenanigans in Illinois. Whose company am I in? Joe Kennedy’s? Not too shabby.

–*When all of us are dead, my hair will still be here.

–*You can’t impeach me, I carry the Ruling Ring of Power forged by Sauron in Mordor.

–* I don’t see why you wouldn’t want me to drag a whole list of subpoenaed witnesses in here such as Rahm Emanuel, Jesse Jackson Jr., President Obama and Oprah Winfrey just so I could maybe spread some of the tawdry awfulness around to innocent people.

–*If you throw me out of state politics, I promise to make a Jerry
Springer-type talk show that will make you blush purple.

–*When I said I wanted to sell Barack Obama’s seat, I was talking about the actual chair. Made of fine Corinthian leather.

–*How can you throw me out of office when you can’t prove I did anything wrong? I mean, you didn’t see it happening. You just heard it on legally admissible surveillance equipment. But you’ve got four other senses, people!