Beauty is Imperfection

(Originally posted Thursday, January 15, 2009)

2 ABC
“Lost”: tonight viewers make a surprising discovery that actress Veronica Hamel from “Hill Street Blues” is still getting work. Meanwhile, we learn in flashback that everybody on the island had a mysterious lack of term life insurance.

3 CBS
CSI: New York: tonight, a street musician finally gets what’s coming to him as America cheers on his attackers.

5 Fox
American Idol now shipping in homeless people and offering them juice if they will try to sing and fail miserably. Ryan Seacrest tries to high five both a blind singer and a woman with dissociative disorder.

6 Disney
“Wizards of Waverly Place”: Alex creates a magic potion in her fish aquarium that will allow her to make peace in the Middle East. But she flushes it down the toilet when she starts getting death threats from Hamas and from Jewish West Bank settlers.

10 CNN
World News Tonight: The Bush administration discusses whether or not it’s OK to allow U.S. agents on the show 24 to torture people .

12 PBS
Archer Daniels Midland is holding the American farmer hostage and other things you can barely be bothered to give a shit about

13 History Channel
Mass Murder Post Office Disgruntled Shoot Out Extravaganza

14 CW
On 90210, an illegitimate child goes into the Army. Which is pretty much the way it works in real life.

15 E! Entertainment Television
Three Mile Island, Chernobyl and other famous celebrity Oops!

16 CMT
I’m wondering if there is any way we can cross-market our new balloon greeting business with this ultimate fighting show. Perhaps through the invention of the “friendship choke hold!”

17 Food
Throwdown with Bobby Flay

18 CNBC
Throwdown with Charles Grodin

19 CNN
Caroline Kennedy asks to be the new junior New York senator, but only if people will never look at her or talk to her.

19 CNN
Larry King has lost control to a mercenary blonde woman who hates doctors yet again.

20 Discovery Health
The inspiring story of a mother who refused an amniocentesis, an epidural, a treatment for staph infection, betadine, surgery, drugs, antibiotics, wound dressing, an MRI … wait a minute, where in the hell is she going with this?