(Originally posted Friday, January 16, 2009)
Why did we turn religious all of a sudden?
–*We realized we misread Ezekiel the first time, and as soon as we got a rabbi’s help, all those psychedelic pyrotechnic animal heads started to make sense.
–*We realized that being in a car wreck changed everything and that our career in porn was making us feel empty inside.
–*Seemed more convenient than telling the kids the truth about what happened to grandma.
–*Seemed more convenient than telling the kids why we lost the Holy Land.
–*Much of our most unreasonable thought processes about right and wrong work much easier if we think there’s a benevolent bearded patriarchal super-being on our side.
–*The white man with his Jesus messiah would not give us the vaccine otherwise.
–*Because sometimes good things happen to good people and we’re too lazy to realize that this is all mostly an accident.
–*Because I had a child. What? Are you going to attack my baby?
–*Duh! If you’re Hassidic it’s like being on welfare for life!
–*Because otherwise my marriage wouldn’t have been recognized by my husband’s goddamn Catholic church.
–*Duh! Because my motherf**kin’ plane landed in the motherf**kin’ Hudson River this afternoon.
Beauty is Imperfection 
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