Beauty is Imperfection

(Originally posted Friday, November 07, 2008 )

Jackson, Miss. (AP) In a stunning blow to Democrats around the nation, incumbent U.S. Senator Roger Wicker of Mississippi edged out challenger Ronnie Musgrove three days ago, Fox News continues to report.

“This was a clear message to voters,” said Karl Rove, Fox pundit and former deputy White House chief of staff. “The Democrats poured a lot of money into the state, but they could not shake the convictions of these salt of the Earth people. These poor, poor, shoeless people.”

Despite a concerted effort by Democrats, a get-out-the-vote drive well-lubricated with millions of dollars from the national Democratic senate campaign committee, Mississippians delivered a fatal blow to Musgrove and helped quash the hopes of party leaders trying to win a filibuster-proof majority in the Senate, Fox News belabored. That effort against Musgrove signaled the resilient conservative conviction of these dirt-poor, daub-and-wattle house dwellers and bottom feeders.

“What the Democrats got wrong this week is that we are a center-right nation,” said Fred Barnes of Mississippi. “This stunning blow to their agenda is going to send them reeling, as they consistently underestimated the religious beliefs of Mississippians, people who regularly score at the bottom of the national standardized tests.”

Weekly Standard editor Bill Kristol concurred.

“This victory tells us again what Americans already know: There is no health care crisis. The economy is sound. Americans don’t want liberals to ‘spread the wealth.’ We can all follow the example of Mississippians who bravely resist this government intervention in their lives and thus on principle live in abject, reeking poverty.”

“These people’s belief in Jesus cannot be diminished or expunged,” said Barnes. “They walk around without shoes like he does. They live among crumbling infrastructure like he did.”

Brit Hume asked fellow anchor Chris Wallace if this stunning defeat meant the end of the Democratic Party.

“It’s hard to say,” said Wallace. “We see a lot of anger out there. Anger from people who have spoken and demanded their right for lower taxes and freedom from socialist tendencies. Those Democrats who are winning are benefiting mostly from a perfect storm of bad economic news … and other acts of God. Their temptation is to use this opportunity to push forth an aggressive, radical agenda. But Musgrove’s defeat on Tuesday will likely have helped roll that back.”

Wallace added that Mississippians had simply been unlikely to fall for Democratic rhetoric, “grievance politics,” he called it, because the state’s citizens are more by-the-bootstraps kinds of people, those who are unafraid to go to work and hew to their conservative principles despite bouncing around the bottommost rankings in wealth, economic growth, literacy, health care, obesity, childhood poverty, and death by firearm.

“If these people in their god-loving trailers haven’t shown the American spirit in its purest distilled conservative form I’ll flash my bum in Macy’s window,” said Rove. “This is a great day for Republicans and a great day for Americans.”