Beauty is Imperfection

(Originally posted Tuesday, October 14, 2008 )

Although I don’t know these people and do not currently share a comedy network with them, I LOVE this Web serial. Check out the gardening show on acid: “We Grow Together.” (First recommended to us by the inimitable Daisy Whitney.)

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(Originally posted Tuesday, October 14, 2008 )

Often, movie titles are changed overseas so that foreign audiences will not be confused by American idioms. (City Slickers, for example, was called Life, Love and Cows in France). What are some of your favorite movies called when they travel around the world?

–*The Funny Woman Has Defunct Ovaries, Country: Croatia. (American title: “Baby Mama”)

–*No More Babies For You, Country: China (American Title: “Knocked Up”)

–*I Have Invaded Your Wedding Balls, Country: Argentina (American title: “The Wedding Crashers”)

–*Silly Streets of Blood and Come, Country: Vietnam (American title: “Taxi Driver”)

–*The Dead Poet Laughs. What Is So Funny?, Country: Indonesia (American title: “Sylvia”)

–*Honey, Did You Do No. 2? Country: Scotland (American title: “Liar Liar”)

–*Like A Cluster of Copulating Water Moccasins, Country: Bali (American title: “Dangerous Liaisons”)

–*Don’t Touch Me, Gay Man, Country: Iran (American title: “Philadelphia”)

–*White Men Don’t Have As Big A Penis To Put Inside, Spain (American title: “White Men Can’t Jump”)

–*Sex Love Hamburgers and Feces; Germany (American title: “Fast Food Nation”)

–*What’s In Those Suspenders?!?; Egypt (American title: “The Santa Clause”)

–*Grand Grand Grand Tetons; France (American title: “Grand Canyon”)

–*Woody Allen Waka Waka Happy Fun Time, Greece (American title: “Match Point”)

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(Originally posted Monday, October 13, 2008 )

When did we realize that this novel wasn’t going anywhere?

–*When we entered the mind of the family dog.

–*When God tries to fool Abraham a second time by telling him to sacrifice his other son Smitty, but this time Abraham’s not going for it.

–*When Raskalnikov is feeling too guilty from murdering his landlady to have sex with his girlfriend Sonia and Sonia is OK with that. Whatever.

–*Daisy’s water has broken while she makes her speech on the floor of the U.S. Congress (starring Julia Roberts in the movie.)

–*Christopher, having found out about his father’s affair with member of the House of Lords, makes a psychological cry for help by falling down a neoclassical staircase with astonishing frescos painted by Tiepolo to his untimely demise, leaving his unborn son an orphan.

–*Dante goes with his lover Beatrice to heaven but admits that the cosmology is ambiguous and that much of it is veiled to his eyes, which is a real cop out.

–*The author goes on 100 pages longer than he should describing the tundra.

–*The psychologist starts to identify with the face eating cannibal dentist who is a linguistics hobbyist with a sharp eye for New Century Modern.

–*The homemaker from Columbus tames the heart of the Bavarian born Secretary of State who helped craft the policy of detente with the Chinese but never really learned how to love.

–*Dobie Gillis seems doomed to fail with this love interest Sasha, the money grubbing blonde whore.

–*The communist partisans take over and a priest falls in love with a goat.

–*A bizarre performance artist who walks around in a suit of pennies walks into what is surely to be an obnoxious and pedantic Tom Robbins scenario to talk about Goddess worship.

–*After poring over 2000 pages of linguistic and comparative religions studies to prove that the cult of the Templars doesn’t exist, Umberto Eco temporarily revives them just to kill off a minor prelate.

–*An anus starts talking.

–*…in imabic pentameter.

–*Whenever somebody ends up dead in a Michael Crichton novel and a small-town doctor begins talking about organized complexity theory.

–*Kathy Acker. Page One. Looks like somebody’s going to be gang raped. Lots of French post-structuralist theory discussed.

–*Harry Potter uses his magical herbs to get the dog drunk.

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(Originally posted Sunday, October 12, 2008 )

“Sarah Palin”

Sarah Palin + “abuse of power”

Sarah Palin + “brother-in-law” + “moose hunting permit”

“moose packing” + tarp + “clean meat” + “no permit”

Wooten + violated + “hunting laws”

Palin + violated + “hunting laws”

Moose + packing + carcass + hauling

“How do I haul a moose I’ve killed?”

“How do I haul a moose I’ve killed in Wasilla, Alaska?”

packing + carcass + heavy + fines + disgusting

“How is it possible to haul a moose I’ve killed?”

“Why would anyone kill a moose?”

“moose hunting” + “gun nuts” + “.44 magnum” + “close range” + psychos

“How do I get my ex-brother-in-law fired?”

“How do I get my ex-brother-in-law fired in Wasilla, Alaska?”

Palin + “public safety commissioner” + “repeated phone calls” + “harassing visits” + discoverable + actionable + “law suits”

“Barack Obama” + “William Ayres” + “best buddies” + “same room” + “same panel” + “dismantle United States” + “Cambodian re-education camps”

Obama + Ayres + “Weather Underground” + “drank from same Dixie Cup”

Why is John McCain linking Barack Obama to William Ayres?

“Dow Jones” + plunged + 1500 points + “worst week ever” + depression + “market collapse” + “mass suicide”

“How do I find a job?”

“How do I find a job in Wasilla, Alaska?”

“Wasilla” + “crystal meth” + “Sarah Palin” + pentecostals + “speaking in tongues” + “witch doctors” + psycho

Wasilla + “bus station”

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(Originally posted Friday, October 10, 2008 )

Stephanie and I have just pushed out episode 9 of “The Retributioners.” This one is entitled “Revenge of the JAPs,” and in it Stephanie confronts a group of girls from her high school who wouldn’t let her be part of their clique.

Whatever happened to Jewish American Princesses who were Jewish?

Featuring guest stars Samia Akudo, Jessica Arinella and Marni Penning.

This one’s got some strong language and themes, so be careful watching it at work.

Remember, you can watch all of our videos at Axis of Comedy.tv.

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