(Originally posted Thursday, October 02, 2008 )
Many are worried that vice presidential nominee Joe Biden must walk a slippery slope in his debate with Sarah Palin tomorrow night, as Biden risks looking patronizing or indelicate if he plays too rough with the charming but politically inexperienced neophyte. What are some of the ways Biden can finesse the sexual dynamic and defuse any subtle gender politics?
–*Palin might try to use her charm to great effect at the expense of reason and logic. Biden should counter this by bringing Paris Hilton’s dog with him on stage. Nobody can resist a man with a dog.
–*Biden should act more like Jack Nicholson, who manages to cool women down with such zingers as “Women are just like men, except you take away logic and accountability.”
–* … or the immortal line “Sarah, could you hold that thought? And by ‘hold’ I mean I want you to hold it between your knees.”
–*Biden should ask her to name some national capitals and world leaders. If this sounds patronizing, he can add that he gives her an automatic “C+” for effort and invite her to sit on his lap.
–*Biden should say that he’s come to protect her from that pimp John McCain and get all angry and macho and stuff.
–*He should sing her the “Madame Librarian” song from “The Music Man,” throwing off her glasses and inciting her to dance.
–*He should blindfold her and say “Pick up the money.”
–*He should pretend to be her best gay friend, inspiring her to live out loud.
–*He should start the debate by giving her a slap on the ass.
–*He can kiss her. Kiss her hard.
–*A good slap calms them down.
–*Also, he could try using one of the favorite lines men in Queens use on women, “I want to get wit’ you,” or “You’re kind of fly,” or “Show me your beaver so I know you’re not a cop.”
–*Or, he could simply let her win, which is what a gentleman does for a lady.
Beauty is Imperfection 
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