Archive for June, 2009

What Completely Made-Up Traffic Violations Have The New York City Police Cited You For?

–*Violation of the 24-hour moving rule

–*The standing room only rule

–*The no standing within an inch of where you shouldn’t be standing rule

–*The failure to make a hedge around the Torah standing rule

–*Violation of the 24-hour too-sexy rule

–*Violation of the “too many hot babes in a car” rule

–*Violating the moving and shaking rule

–*Standing at a commuter van stop longer than necessary to pick up passengers, blow your nose or laugh at approximately two paragraphs of material from beloved humorist Dave Barry

–*Driving while dead

–*Driving while intoxicated … with love

–*Driving without agreements with General Motors’ senior bondholders about their rights in a forced liquidation

–*Driving with a stick of butter up your ass

–*Violating the rule against driving while PhotoShopping John Kerry into a handshake with Ho Chi Minh

–*Driving a “car,” which according to French literary critic Roland Barthes is nothing but a meaningless semion

–*Driving a car in New York City, a large built up environment which clearly has no room for such activity


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