(Originally posted Tuesday, November 11, 2008 )
2 CBS
The Mentalist uses his razor sharp powers of human observation to notice that a young female cop is playing with her hair, which means she’s probably into him. Sarah Palin guest stars.
2 CBS
Heidi Montag, accused of having no talent, goes on a prime time sitcom to prove categorically that she has no talent. Sarah Palin guest stars.
3 Fox
This new show has got you all beat. It’s a cross between “The X-Files,” “Medium,” “Altered States,” “The Twilight Zone” and three or four cheesy David Copperfield specials.
5 ABC
Dancing With a Hard-To-Close Open Wound
6 Bravo
Real Housewives of New York with Real Pediculosis Pubis. Guest starring one or both of the Coreys.
7 QVC
When Mormons Wearing Synthetic Fibers Attack
10 CNN
Wolf Blitzer speaks to a hologram of Sarah Palin. In three dimensions she’s not just cute. She’s downright huggable.
11 NBC
Guest star Sarah Palin visits in the ER and, over the objections of the chief surgeon, performs an emergency PPPD–including the removal of the gall bladder, the duodendum and the head of the pancreas–even though she’s not remotely qualified.
12 PBS
If you bleep out the right words, it’s like the Count is saying he wants to f#*$ all day.
14 Soap
All My Children: Why is Kendall so much more fuckable with a head bandage?
15 History Channel
A look at when doomsday might happen and other irresponsible, time-wasting uses of this “educational” channel.
15 History Channel
In fact, this channel, which should be teaching me about the Mongol Empire or something like that, seems to have become some sort of rat trap/no-pest-strip for crazy Christian “end of days” people who are coming over here after getting themselves wound up watching serial killer shows on CBS. You know, the gun-stroking/fetish/death drive/infantilization crowd.
15 History Channel
Guess what? Sarah Palin’s here!
16 Headline News
Barack Obama makes announcements about how he is going to handle his awful, awful, awful new job.
17 HBO
Is it me, or are the guys on “Entourage” acting extra douchey this year?
18 Cinemax
Clitty Todd
19 Showtime
A new original series. Bet you’ve never seen this fluid in a prime time cable show before.
20 MTV
“In The Mouth or in the Ass?” A despicable new game show with Danny Bonaduce.
21 VH-1
Mr. Science Jeff Conaway takes you on a personal journey through the Freudian phenomenon known as “compulsion to repeat.”
Beauty is Imperfection 
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