(Originally posted Saturday, September 06, 2008 )
2 NBC
Law & Order: Ice Cream Headache
3 ABC
Sexy L.A. Podiatrists In Breach of Ethics
4 CBS
48 Hours Mystery: A man on the lam for murder hides as a fugitive for 20 years working as a sous chef. Lesley Stahl tries his surprisingly tasty brisket
5 Animal Planet
Animal Cops San Diego: Animal cops reveal key to dolphin psychology: “They’re just really horny” says female animal cop.
6 Fox
America’s Most Wanted scrapes the bottom of the barrel and goes after people stealing cable
10 CNN
The Osmonds Run For President (Can They Win?)
11 Headline News
Nancy Grace licks hand, wipes blood off mouth
12 Lifetime
Looks like cute little Crystal Bernard’s got herself in a bit of a peccadillo!
20 Prayer Network
Why did God cause 9-11? Did we do something wrong?
21 Fox News
Connection between Barack Obama, Hitler and people who eat their families’ brain stems revealed by unemployed schizophrenic truck driver. That’s good enough for Sean Hannity.
22 TNT
Movie: “Air Force One.” Followed by a short film: “How ‘Air Force One’ Marked My First Political Awakening as an Adult American.”
23 E! Entertainment
“Keeping Up With the Kardashians”: A bunch of adult Americans
24 Bloomberg
If we had even a bit of good news about the economy, it’d just be enough to make you bitter
48 FX
Zombie Osmonds Run For President (Brains! Eat brains!)
49 C-SPAN
Sorry, Libertarian conference can’t really help you with affordable housing topic. Or date rape. Or … no, can’t really help you with global warming either. That’s not what we’re really about. We do want the government to leave us alone, though. You want to talk about that? No? OK. Well, vote for Ron Paul!
86 Crosswalk
“Democracy Now”: “You Are Too Pussy To Really Look At How Ugly Your Country Is” and other good-timey folk songs
87 Independent Film Channel
I’m really tired of watching Bijou Phillips get raped in every film she’s in. Does she just have that hate fuck mien or something? Whatever happened to psychotic ex-models just kissing and holding hands?
88 Turner Film Classics
A weeklong salute to Kay Francis. Which is our way of saying: “Not watching us? Who gives a f***?”
89 HBO1
“Flight of the Conchords” is coming back for only one more season because they ran out of songs. Jesus, guys! Write more songs!
90 HBO2
We’re raping Bijou Phillips on this channel, too. Enjoy!
92 Telemundo
Violacion en grupo con Bijou Phillips. Disfruta!
93 Home Shopping Network
Enjoy this bijou. No, not like that!
Beauty is Imperfection 
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