Beauty is Imperfection

(Originally posted Saturday, May 17, 2008 )

Many women are bemoaning the waning prospects of Hillary Clinton’s presidential run, sad that after waiting for two centuries for a female leader of our nation, they have finally fallen short in the 11th hour. It’s a sad thing, and many of us feel sad about it. However, many of those same women are blaming Hillary’s fall on sexism, pointing out the chauvinist comments of some on the opposing team.

Here is a list of reasons why that viewpoint is completely stark bollocks wrong:

–*Hillary Clinton is losing because she voted for the Iraq War. Those of us who used to love her swore we’d get even in 2003 when she set up her hotline and asked how we felt about a completely indefensible unprovoked war of aggression against a country that had not attacked us. If it’s sexist to say “payback is a bitch,” then turn it around (as Troilus said to Cressida): Payback is a dude.*

–*Hillary Clinton is losing because she has waged a campaign of sophistry and rhetorical games that she learned after years of picking up her Republican opponents’ worst habits, and many voters on the Democratic side of the aisle find this strategy transparent and distasteful. Hillary said Obama’s campaign was “change you can Xerox.” Copy this: That joke sucked.

–*Hillary is losing on her merits, the same way George H.W. Bush did in 1992. To think that a woman CAN’T lose on her merits is a reverse form of sexism. I’m voting against capable Hillary the same way I’m voting against capable John McCain, capable Richard Nixon and capable Torquemada.

–*Hillary is losing because Barack Obama has made an appeal to voters that his relative lack of experience, and its attendant idealism, might augur change and a clean slate in the United States, something that Americans might want to gamble on in these jaded times, the same way they gambled on Bill Clinton in 1992.

–*Hillary is losing because she is not running on a clear cut agenda so much as the Hillary name brand, and this makes people uncomfortable at a time when they want definitive answers about what to do in Iraq, what to do about the economy, and what to do about the environment.

–*Hillary is losing because, as much as we might like her, she’s not inspiring anybody (besides some women).

–*Hillary is losing because nobody believes a word she says.

–*Hillary is losing for the same reasons John Kerry lost.

–*Hillary is losing because super-delegates know that voting against the popular candidate means that there’s going to be total havoc come November and the party will be divided in front of John McCain.

–*Hillary is NOT losing because of chauvinism, because most of the chauvinists are actually Republican carpet-baggers trying to make trouble.

–*Hillary is NOT losing because America is full of poor rednecks who hate her education and sophistication. I don’t know if anyone is paying attention to the exit poll breakdown, but it’s the poor high-school graduates who are the ones voting for her.

–*Hillary is NOT losing because there are more sexists than racists. Barely anybody brought up sex as an issue in exit polls, whereas tons of people brought race up as an issue when deciding to vote against Obama. The people crying “sexism” are the same people whose job it is to find sexism everywhere (I’m looking in your direction, Gloria Steinem) and who wouldn’t have jobs if they weren’t rooting for sexism in its small, truffle-like forms all day and night).

Having said all that, I hope that she becomes the first American vice president. Although that’s about as likely as George McGovern stripping down and singing the Prince song “Kiss.”

*This “payback is a dude” line was phrased in a different, poorly worded, and very unfortunate way in a very early draft of this article and I very quickly fixed it. But for anybody, even two of you, who saw that original version, I apologize.