Beauty is Imperfection

(Originally posted Tuesday, April 01, 2008 )

What April Fools’ Day Pranks Are We Pulling?

–*Shaving our pubes for our spouses

–*Telling our spouses we are leaving them for their siblings

–*Devaluing the dollar by lowering interest rates to scare people into thinking they can’t afford anything

–*Making my Second Coming to the faithful flock and calling them back with me to heaven where I will sit at the right hand of God, my father, in a kingdom of the righteous, whence I will then say to my followers: “Gotcha! Fished in!”

–*Declaring jihad

–*Finally admitting that the 2000 election was a hoax, whereupon Al Gore will laughingly take his seat in the Oval Office a mere nine months before he is to leave

–*No. Wait. Sorry. That would not be a hoax at all.

–*Tying together the shoe laces of Officer Krumpsky and watching him fall on his pig face

–*Putting a sock over the cat’s head, even though the poor thing does not know what April Fools’ Day is and would not appreciate it in the least and would run into the wall several times meowing in sheer animal horror

–*Saying “I love you” to somebody who would find it suspect, like your long-suffering wife

–*The old “I’ve got herpes” joke never fails to drive your boyfriend into hysterics

–*Promising Bear Stearns that we will bail it out of bankruptcy to avoid an investment bank meltdown, but only offering them $2 per share, which would wreck the lives of their employees forever. Ha ha! Egg on your face, Bear Stearns!

–*Telling “The New York Times” that you are a 21-year-old good-looking female virgin at Yale, which automatically gets you a profile in their magazine as some sort of bizarre anthropological study

–*Telling your kids that sexual abstinence before marriage is best

–*Saying you’ll pull out

–* … of Iraq

–*Turning in your “Beauty is Imperfection” blog a day late.

Happy April Fools’ Day everybody!