Beauty is Imperfection

(Originally posted Saturday, February 23, 2008 )

2 CBS
48 Hours Mystery: Sexy Female Homicidal Blondes in the Church of the Nazarene Gone Wild

4 NBC
My Dad Fucked Your Mom (reality)

7 ABC
Laverne & Shirley look back at the Bosnian War

8 Fox
Are You Smarter Than a Sexual Predator?

11 CW
“Sex and the City,” neutered for people in the country

13 TBS
Wait, the neutered version of “Sex and the City” is on this channel too. That’s a lot of puns.

14 History Channel
Billy Ray Cyrus re-enacts all the parts in “Deliverance,” including the “squeal like a piggy boy” scene, in a one-man celebration of rural America.

28 Fox News
You’ve Got Geraldo All Over You

29 CNN
Anderson doesn’t do sexy dead college students. Don’t ask Anderson to do that again.

30 TLC
Let’s Make This Crack House Into a Home

31 E! Entertainment
Hollywood moms explain how negligence, perverted value systems and instant gratification can help you raise a celebrity sociopath

32 Discovery
Flip This Vasectomy

33 Bravo
Infomercial: How to get everything you want in life through wildly unrealistic expectations and anti-social behavior

40 Headline News
Hillary Clinton degraded herself in Texas, calling Barack Obama “Change you can Xerox.” We here at Headline News are going to keep rerunning this until Hillary, Barack Obama, CNN, John McCain, all our viewers and democracy in general are all degraded equally.

41 Toon Disney
Mighty Morphin’ Super Delegates

42 HBO
A new series: “I’ve Got a Lot Of Feelings”

43 Discovery
Are You Smarter Than the Egyptian Conjoined Twins?

44 Cinemax
Coyote Ugly 2: Coyote Stupid

48 Independent Film Channel
Brendon Sexton III wouldn’t be a celebrity if it weren’t for this channel

49 Lifetime
“My Slutty Daughter Is Trying To Be Sluttier Than I Am” (a movie event)

50 Showtime
Jesus! Liam Neeson did a lot of shitty movies in the ’80s, didn’t he? There are like, five of them on tonight. God he must have egg on his face right about now.

51 The Movie Channel
Do you ever feel like some nerdy cable programmer is sitting in his dark lonely editing room, plotting to embarrass today’s female stars by finding their most embarrassing nude scenes from 1986 and rerunning them?