(Originally posted Friday, February 15, 2008 )
This week we not only celebrate Valentine’s Day but also observe the 25th anniversary of Michael Jackson’s album “Thriller.” How did you celebrate Valentine’s Day and the anniversary of “Thriller”?
–*Took out the garbage.
–*Made stew.
–*Gave the cat her medicine.
–*Orally, too.
–*Washed the car.
–*Scratched armpit.
–*Performed oral sex, though your mind wandered to yard work while it was going on.
–*Killed the hostages.
–*Received $2.86 in class action suit money from a telecom trial that was concluded three years ago and that you knew nothing about.
–*Wondered hopefully if anybody was masturbating to pictures of you.
–*Bought Vicks vapor rub.
–*Gave the cat her medicine again. It’s, like, twice a day you’ve got to do this.
–*Read a fine history of the Ottoman Empire by Lord Kinross.
–*Wondered out loud “Is Hillary really finished?” like the people at News Max want you to do.
–*Gave up hope.
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