(Originally posted Friday, February 01, 2008 )
2 CBS
Forensic show … “must beat the clock” … safe house … ambush … desperation … “forced to drink blood” (repeat)
2 CBS
More gross forensic shows with incest, cannibalism and mummification acts that somehow don’t bother the FCC as much as buttocks, nipples and nut sacks.
4 NBC
NBC relives the best moments of the ongoing writer’s strike, in a variety show featuring repeats of repeats
5 ABC
Jimmy Kimmel sits there and does nothing while his girlfriend emasculates him
7 Fox
Dr. House is a cool customer, but let’s see how he deals with a talking spleen.
13 PBS
Bill Moyers is the conscience of America. And who in the Hell would want to watch somebody like that?
23 E! Entertainment
Which Of Hollywood’s Sexiest Young Stars Will Be Dead In Five Years?
23 E! Entertainment
President Bush orders Michelle Williams to break her silence about Heath Ledger so that the country can move on.
25 Animal Planet
Orangutans Giving the Finger, Remembered
26 CMT
Hunters remember the first time they were shot in the face by their buddies in the woods. Ted Nugent is your host.
27 ESPN
Full Contact Chess
28 History
The History of Penetration
29 Vh-1
This week on “Rock of Love,” Bret Michaels re-enacts the Yale University Milgram experiments by ordering contestants to torture each other with electric clamps.
30 BET
Lena Horne featured for two minutes in a film whose title has the word “Booty” in it.
32 MSNBC
Progressive award-winning journalist Amy Goodman can’t believe she’s sitting here talking to these idiots about this absolutely bug-eyed stupid shit.
42 Fox News
Bill O’Reilly: The Quickening
50 HBO
The Bourne Identity
51 Cinemax
Tastefully Photographed Boinking
52 Sundance
It’s Dissent Week Here On Sundance, Featuring 24 Hours of Filibustering from Noam Chomsky
53 Bloomberg
Something is up a quarter and something else is down 3/8ths of a percent, and the anchor is wearing a pretty blue tie and it’s all a strange, alienating kind of scary reality here.
57 Disney
Remembering the dark history of American slavery with host Herbie, the Love Bug.
58 Showtime
Sexual water sports would take this hip show to the next level.
59 Headline News
An engaged public would take this presidential election to the next level.
60 CNN
Larry King stars in a remake of “Flowers for Algernon.” Or at least that’s what it seems like watching him interview people sometimes.
61 TMZ
Britney Kill Britney Kill Britney Kill
Beauty is Imperfection 
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