Beauty is Imperfection

(Originally posted Tuesday, January 08, 2008 )

The U.S. Navy recently reported that it had narrowly avoided a military skirmish with five Iranian speedboats in the Strait of Hormuz after the boats approached U.S. warships, then suddenly left the scene as an American destroyer was about to open fire. Senior navy officers describe the Iranian maneuvers as unnecessarily provocative. What are some of the things America is doing to provoke the Iranians to war-like behavior?

–*Speaking Farsi badly on purpose.

–*Throwing garbage over onto the Iranian side of the Iraq border

–*Denying them nuclear energy capability and a revolving credit account at Chase Manhattan

–*Our suggestion that we replace their nuclear energy program with a coal, steam and donkey system that’s more appropriate to their backward way of life.

–*Using the pejorative Arab word for Persians, “ajam,” which is a way of slighting one who mumbles. Also, shooting down airplanes full of Iranian civilians.

–*Attacking Iranian films such as “The Circle” and “The White Balloon” for being too formless and abstract.

–*Including Iran as part of an imagined “axis of evil” which makes no historical or rhetorical sense whatsoever, as well as hinting that Iran is gay.

–*Offering only $20 for a stereo that’s clearly a bargain at $25

–*Giving all the jobs at 7-11 to white teenagers

–*Adopting a policy of regime change until all of the country’s oil resources are back in the hands of rich white people.

–*Fondly boasting of our CIA-backed overthrow of their legitimately elected prime minister Dr. Mohammad Mossadegh in 1953 at diplomatic parties and U.N. meetings and on late night television.

–*Oh, and something else that might be influencing hostile Iranian behavior toward Americans is THE FORMATION OF A GIANT U.S. MILITARY APPARATUS THAT COMPLETELY SURROUNDS THEIR FUCKING COUNTRY LIKE A DRAGNET OF TERROR.