(Originally posted Tuesday, January 01, 2008 )
–*Eat more spam
–*Drink more beer
–*Be nicer to people and pierce labia
–*See more Flaming Lips shows in Oklahoma City, even if you live in remote places like Brunei or China
–*Finish that dark, misanthropic novel in which all the characters die and nobody gets the money or any other kind of satisfaction, except the character who represents death. Call it “No Country For Old Gentle Folk.”
–*Move to the lovely, green, laid-back city of Austin, Texas. With a few hundred thousand more people, we can finally ruin it.
–*Have another baby out of wedlock.
–*No, two more.
–*Suck up to weasel boss more
–*Kill mistress; make it look like an accident
–*Smell the roses more. Then kill mistress and make it look like an accident.
–*Lose weight. Smell more roses. Move to Iraq to see what you’re made of.
–*Stop getting tattoos and move on to body scarification, which is more painful and way cooler.
–*Be friendlier and more engaging to that talkative 18-year-old pagan waitress who works at Bennigan’s. Get her pregnant.
–*Stop smoking. Start cutting.
–*Chase more chickens.
–*Punch Bono
–*Learn French and then don’t use it.
–*Participate in more assisted suicides.
–*Live. If you’re lucky enough to keep doing so.
Beauty is Imperfection 
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