Beauty is Imperfection

(Originally posted Wednesday, October 17, 2007)

In a heartfelt scene, Ellen DeGeneres broke down in tears on her talk show yesterday after an animal rescue group removed an adopted dog from her hairdresser’s home, claiming Ellen had improperly given the dog to the family.

Here is a list of things this is not as important as:

10. Reports of continued, unauthorized retrieval of the private phone records of U.S. citizens by the Bush Administration from Verizon without warrants, which would set a legal precedent for such spying in the future, making it easier to do and harder to prosecute.

9. The continuing war in Iraq.

8. The continued manipulation of monetary policy by the Federal Reserve mainly to bail out rich people who make bad investments

7. Climate change that has finally given us the Northwest Passage sought by Lewis and Clark, though it will likely come at the expense of the north and south poles, polar bears, fall and spring “seasons,” and the island of Manhattan.

6. The raping and pillaging Janjaweed in the Sudan

5. The genocide of the Armenians by the Ottoman Empire.

4. Increasing cases of staph infection

3. Iranian nuclear weapons

2. American nuclear weapons

1. And now that I think of it, this story is less important than any story out there in which a dog might have actually died. I mean, the dog’s not even fucking dead! What the hell, man? I thought Anne Heche was the crazy one in that relationship.