Recent news reports have suggested that Howard Stern was under consideration to take over judging duties in future seasons of American Idol.
What other changes have the producers got in mind?
–*Wild huskies will be allowed to roam the studios while the contestants perform.
–*The female contestants will regularly be advised to take their clothes off
–*Ellen DeGeneres will be replaced as judge by a 90-year-old deaf Palestinian refugee
–*Kara will type in her comments from an IPhone and they will be transcribed on screen, if she feels like it.
–*An occasional streaker will run through the studio
–*The auditions will be cut short so that Howard can savagely attack Don Imus for 20 minutes.
–*Howard may interrupt the performances to plug a guy from Little Neck who sells brake shoes …
–* … and extol the virtues of good clean Lesbianism.
–*A contestant without a vibrato will be forgiven if she can shoot a ping-pong ball out of her vagina
–*Idol will now run with a continuous news crawl listing the pharmacological regimens of all the judges, including any benzodiazepenes, muscle relaxants or hormone replacement therapies that may be affecting their judging.
–*In a new segment, the Idol contestants will be assigned musical identities early on by Howard and Baba Booey so it will be easier for us to remember them–such as the bad girl, the “Goth girl,” the baby mama, the teen heartthrob, the closeted gay, the not-closeted gay, the ex-crack addict, the widower, the orphan, the troubled veteran, the schizophrenic man without pants, the crazy female industrial glass blower and the housewife who swallows.
–*Gays will still never win