(Originally posted Wednesday, January 21, 2009)
What really out-of-date personal information have we left up on our abandoned Friendster profiles?
–*We’re not still single and looking for love.
–*We’re not happily married anymore, which means we probably weren’t happily married ever.
–*The Sopranos is no longer our favorite show after that suck-ass finale.
–*We’re not still looking forward to reading “The Secret.”
–*Our nanna is no longer the most inspiring person in the world to us given that she passed away in 2005.
–*We’re not still trying to sell you a time-share.
–*We’re not happy and optimistic anymore.
–*I’m no longer looking for a really hot guy; instead, a long time ago I settled on somebody who knows how to file my tax return.
–*It’s probably fair to mention that I’m a single mom now.
–*George Bush is no longer my president.
–*I, George Bush, am no longer president.
–*I no longer exist, because I was only a decoy 15-year-old hottie concocted by the producers of “To Catch a Predator” in the first place, and they simply forgot to take the fake profile page down.
–*My life has turned to shit, and I forgot to take the fake happy profile down.
–*I am no longer employed.