(Originally posted Thursday, March 13, 2008 )
Things To Keep In Perspective As We Watch The Downfall of New York Governor Eliot Spitzer
–*Eliot Spitzer, unlike Bill Clinton, had to pay women to be with him, which means he is likely just as much an unlikeable weasel among ladies as he is among his distinguished colleagues in Albany.
–*We would be wrong in suggesting that Eliot Spitzer’s weaselly behavior somehow redeems the criminals he chased on Wall Street or atones for the sins of predatory capitalists who would still victimize you, and we should remember that he was still right to nail their sorry sack of shit asses to the wall.
–*We would do well to remember that Gov. Spitzer is in trouble for engaging in the sort of illicit activity that he himself had prosecuted and for structuring shell companies to hide this activity. He is not in trouble for commiting adultery, nor should we make this a discussion about adultery, which is a personal moral problem and not the business of the weaselly constituents.
–*We should ask why is it that the resigned, sad abnegation written on Silda Spitzer’s face as she stands at her weasel husband’s side somehow makes her really, really hot–much hotter than she ever was prancing about like a dressage pony in her ball gowns.
–*We should all ask Silda for a date if she leaves her weasel husband.
–*But we should not assume that she will, because the dedication of two highly intelligent successful people to each other is stronger than the base morality of tut-tutting fishwives or anybody else who watches the Lifetime network.
–*We should all be more familiar with the Mann Act, which is rarely invoked except in special cases involving Eliot Spitzer, Chuck Berry and Charlie Chaplin.
–*We should remember that prostitution will never go away, because it never has, because there are always weasels who are willing to pay for it, and thus it might be better off legalized and controlled since it cannot be totally expunged.
–*We should all pay more attention to Ashley Alexandra Dupre, to set an example for all girls showing them how fame and notoriety and book and record deals await them in their career as high-priced prostitutes.
–*We should also keep in mind that being a sexually exploited high-class prostitute is going to much better prepare you for a life in the music industry than you could ever imagine.
–*We should remember that, though Eliot Spitzer is indeed a weasel, we would be remiss in saying that his failings are anything remotely equivalent morally to those of another executive branch politician who is still at large, still in power and still responsible for the deaths of anywhere from 100,000 to a million Iraqis.
–*We should all realize that we are not going to learn anything important about this story from anybody who appears on Larry King, especially not from someone who has written a book.
–*We should remember that a man will give up everything, even unthinkable political power, for just a couple of hours with a 6 from South Jersey.
–*… the type of girl whom you could probably get it from for free, by the way, with a couple of Amaretto Sours and a bit of wheedling.
–*We would also do well to remember that Eliot Spitzer would not be in this predicament if he simply greased his weasel more often.
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