(Originally posted Friday, February 29, 2008 )
Compliments Nobody Wants To Hear, Vol. 2
–*You’re so pretty when I look at you from a very low angle and 10 feet away
–*You have gone about as far in life as a tambourine player can go.
–*You would make a great comic relief part in the ABC After-School Special I’m directing about bulimia
–*I like to call that giant purple birthmark covering half of your body a “God’s kiss.”
–*You are the sexiest rodeo clown alive
–*You sure do smile a lot for a person with so many enemies.
–*Especially you, O.J.
–*A person like you has to be really genuine to have so many teeth missing and not be embarrassed about it
–*You handle your Thorazine so well
–*You jump out of a cake sober and fall into a cake drunk with equal aplomb
–*You must have a heart of gold to be that much in love with a sadistic, abusive, repressed, fetishistic police officer
–*You must have a heart of gold to be that much in love with a limited and smarmy rich kid Republican president
–*You’ve moved up so fast in Hollywood, I bet you could suck a golf ball through a garden hose
–*You are the sexiest, most inspiring movie star who dropped out of high school ever
–*You are the sexiest, most inspiring U.S. president who made straight C’s ever.
–*You’ve got more talent for painting than could have ever been expected from a serial killer of women serving multiple life sentences in prison
–*You’re like Paul Newman without the charisma, looks, brains or talent.
Yes, I was serious, I am busy this weekend, but had 10 minutes to be foolish.
P.S.: –*Eric, you certainly do have a lot of time on your hands for somebody who is so foolish.